Confessions, Imperfections and weird Obsessions

Hello, I hope you beautiful people are okay today. You all look amazing!

So, today is gonna be a not-so-serious one. As you all know, it's summer. School's out, and we're all ready to just do nothing for a long time. Cue the lie-ins, the homework free nights and the- hopefully- warm weather. 

So I was just having a nice relax in front of Netflix, when suddenly I felt something click inside of me. (Metaphorically, okay?)

I have to go back to school.

I have to start coursework.

I have to do exams. Exams that actually matter.

AND THEN I STARTED FREAKING OUT!!!

I mean, Year 10 is the start of everything. I have to be organised, I have to basically pull my life together.

But, I'm only a child! Why should I have to stress out so much?

We can't help it. It's not our fault.

So I started doing the one thing that calms me down in situations like this. 

I organised my stationary for next year. 

(If that's not sad, then you, my friend, must have a very happy life. I'm telling you, this is extremely sad. Cry with me?)

Also, that sounds pretty random. I don't make voodoo dolls, and I'm not part of illuminati either. But I have my faults, like all humans, teenager or adult, do.

(Also, if you do those things then hats off to you, my friend)

Now, I'm not talking about the simple things like pencil cases or staplers.

I got so stressed out about it that I have decided exactly how many biros- and what brand- I need to buy.

I have bought my GCSE files.

(I don't need them for eight weeks)

I bought two sets of them, incase I needed more space and they stopped stocking them.

I googled academic calendars and cork boards (I even found pins to pin stuff on the cork board- they're shaped like turtles and you can get them from Paperchase for £2. Oh yeah, and I'm buying them today.)

You're probably laughing at your stupid friend at the moment, but let me tell you. Before all of this, I was freaked out by the thought of growing up.

And this whole stationary thing, it's not an obsession. It's like an escape from the fact that I have two years left in high school. In American standards, does that make me a Junior?

Basically, what I've done is organised a big part of this, and knowing that there's not much more that I have to do other than take the classes- it calms me down. If you already sort out as much as you can, there's not much more that you can do. Is there?

Can I just point out that I'm not saying this to freak you out. I'm letting you know that it's okay to have your crazy obsessions, and it's okay if you use them as an escape route from reality.

Just as long as you go back to the real world at some point, you do whatever the hell you want to do. 

If I was saying this to an adult reader, rather than the teenage readers that I have: I don't think I would tell them this, actually.

My parents don't do this to me, and in that respect I am very lucky. But I know that many other adults do this.

It's called pressure. Pressure to always do well, pressure to be someone you're not. It's heartbreaking, knowing that this happens to a lot of people, a lot of you.

Pressure means stress, stress means over thinking and over thinking leads to mayhem.

You're probably thinking- stupid teenager, it's not that big of a deal. But just because you're further ahead in life does not mean you're in a higher position.

So the point of this post is not actually for you to laugh at me (although, initially it was), it's not for you to think all adults are stupid or all teenagers are stupid.

I want you to understand. We all do things to divert our attention away from the bigger problem. These things can be normal, or they can be plain freakish. But if they help you move on, if they help you figure out something then screw what everyone else thinks or says.

My stationary is a kinda way to escape from pressure, to escape from growing up for a little longer. And although it sounds stupid, it's really not. We all have many different ways to escape, this so happens to be one of mine.

My confession to you is that I am not perfect. I try and escape. I am not the best person in the world.

This is one of my many imperfections.

But just because I am different, it does not mean that I am different from everyone else.

Times are changing, things are going to happen that we won't expect. So what's wrong with having something to fall back on to?

I hope you don't think I am weird after this post.

But to be honest with you, frankly I don't care what you think about me. 

Love your pets, love your stationary, love your CDs, love your house, love your freaking voodoo dolls. You are who you are, and I love you for that. 

Fly on, don't forget to sharpen your pencil...

Luce xx

PS: My song for you today is Zombie by Jamie T. You want a song to kick off your summer? This is it.

PPS: At first, this post was meant to make you laugh. I mean, looking back at it now- how stupid am I? Some girl loves her stationary, and claims it's a way to forget what's going on. But in all seriousness, I am telling you the truth. I have many ways to forget the world, as do you. Music is the number one example of that. And it's a serious thing. Why should we want to forget the world? We should be able to love it, and embrace it- yet we don't. We hide away, and that's not our fault. But I do want that to change. And whilst you're listening to Little Miss Preacher over here on your screen, I hope you want that too.

PPPS: I don't care about your flaws and your imperfections. They're what makes you you. I love every one of you for being yourself. Never change, you idiots xx

 

A time to remember

Oh. My. God.

(Admit it, you read that in Janice's voice, didn't you?)

I haven't updated in ages, and this post is going to be quite long.

Oh my god! So much has gone on!

So we left off almost a month ago (sorry about that, by the way) at Lakeside, on the night the penny dropped. But a lot has happened since then.

Take the last day of the school year, for example. It was emotional, as it usually is, saying all our goodbyes. Everyone asking for selfies, for the right phone numbers...

Welcome to the teenage life: always going on the Internet.

Dear adults, we're all so much more than that- can't you see?

So we left that day, thinking that we weren't going to meet up for quite a long time. Well, we were wrong.

The next day, it just so happened to be my birthday. I have something to confess about that: I hate my birthday. I can't see any point in celebrating it; we're literally celebrating one year closer to our death. And I know that sounds depressing, grumpy old Lucy with her stupid thoughts, but it annoys me a lot. Why should you have to pay for your party that everyone else is going to come to, to celebrate your own birthday?

So of course, saying all of this, I haven't had a birthday party in a very very long time.

That was about to be changed.

On the morning of my birthday, I went shopping with my Mum. Looking back, I admit it was quite a strange idea: Oh we'll go out really early, and then we'll come back before lunch. But I went along with it. After I bought a few things (I'm drooling just thinking about them; and yes, most of it was stationary) we headed back home.

When we got home, I walked into the hallway and was quite surprised. One of my friends was staring at me with wide eyes, a Dorito half-hanging out of her mouth. For a few seconds we just stared at each other: me wondering what the hell was going on, and her chewing this Dorito.

Then I walked into my sitting room.

I was greeted by my friends, food, banners and balloons. And, guess what?

They had thrown a surprise party for me.

At first, I was a little bit angry. I mean- everyone knows how much I hate my birthday, so why did they throw me a party? Then I got emotional. My friends actually care about me enough to throw me one of these things. My face might have looked a bit shocked, but I can assure you, I was crying on the inside.

We basically ate food, played MarioKart, played Truth Or Dare and just talked. I don't know how birthday parties are meant to be: but that sure was the best for me.

Now the obvious question would be: would I have another party? And, the answer is maybe. This year showed me that I can have fun without:

A) Paying masses of money

B) Having the attention on you all the time

C) Being pressured in to doing everything special 

So, friends, if we could do that without all the fuss, and without all of the drama, and just have a small get together like that. No candles, no stupid light up badges. Just you, me, and a TV. Then maybe I'll consider having another one. Maybe.

If you're reading this without actually knowing me, and I know a few of you are, then please hear this out. Whatever stage of your life you're at: you've got to live it. It doesn't matter about money, or power, or cars, or how many likes you get on Facebook. It doesn't matter how many girlfriends/boyfriends you've had. It matters that you're happy. It matters that you have people to be happy with. And sure, if you really want to then you can think about all these things that you want.

But think about them with a friend.

Also, if you read Tiki's and Emma's blogs: tell them off for me, won't you? They were the ones who organised it all (seriously though, thanks guys. I still can't believe you did that for me, so thank you so so much)

Now, here comes the holidays. 

I've gone and left this blog to go to France for a week. (I didn't go to France just to get away from this blog, to be clear)

France is one of my favourite countries in the world. I love the food, the culture, the people, the language. I love pretty much everything about France. 

So first, the markets. Now, a long time ago: I thought that French markets were what you learnt in the textbooks. Just simple, plain markets like the veggie aisle you get in Morrissons. My god, they're so much more than that.

First there's the meat. They eat practically everything off everything. I saw donkey, I saw goat, wild boar and of course the ever-famous horse. (Sorry, Tescos. I'm stealing your style.)

The French also seem to be able to get cheese out of a lot of animals. My favourite was some goats cheese that we picked up. We had two: one was coated in a dried tomato paste, and one was coated in a herb paste. They were lush.

AND DON'T FORGET THE MELONS (So good!)

We did a lot of things while we were out there. There was a monkey sanctuary, we were given popcorn and the monkeys just took it outta my hand. They were so adorable, and now they're one of my favourite animals.

1. Tortoise

2. Donkey

3. Monkey

Then we went to some caves. I didn't really know what to expect. But when we got down there, it was brilliant. (I'm not particularly great at going underground unless it's really modern like the tube. But I've only been on the tube once.)

There were paintings of animals and women. There were teenage footprints, handprints on the wall and bear claw scratches. And do you want to know how old these were?

They were at least 25 thousand years old. At least. 

I spoke more French than English, which surprised me a lot. It's really hard to keep speaking it, but I got to grips with some of it.

And now I'm back in cold, cold England. I've got eight weeks left of holidays, where I'll be sleeping, eating, and catching up on Netflix.

Thanks for tuning in, sorry I've not written loads recently. BUT I'M BACK NOW, AND I CAN POST MORE OFTEN YAY!

Fly on, fly up and never look back

Luce xx

PS: I have two songs. A happy, summer song, and a sad, breakup song.

Happy, summer song: Shut Up And Dance by Walk The Moon

Sad, breakup song: Bulletproof Weeks by Matt Nathanson

PPS: Oh yeah, forgot to say: I hope that wherever you are, you're having a good time. Whether you're on holiday or not.

PPPS: I can assure you that whatever problems you are being faced with at the moment, soon enough they will be solved. Just hang on in there, hun.